Former Big Brother Elozonam Ogbolu, an actor and Naija reality star, has written a lot about toxic masculinity and masculine stereotypes.
Speaking on a recent episode of Ikhane Akhigbe’s podcast, In The Company Of Men, Elozonam clarified that cooking, grocery shopping, and oral sex with women are not associated with masculinity, despite the common belief that they are.
When interacting with their spouses and other women, he counseled men to be more understanding and adaptable.
He said, “When it comes to certain things, especially things that men are not accustomed to doing, I think it screams toxic masculinity. Some guys think that giving a woman head isn’t masculine. It’s that weird. Serving a woman, doing things for a woman, going to buy the groceries, to a lot of very staunch toxic males in Nigeria, these things don’t constitute as you being a man.
“For instance, if your wife asks you to please buy her a sanitary pad, those men will question it. They will say it makes them feel uncomfortable. Why can’t you buy your mum or your woman a sanitary pad? Why can’t you go down on your woman? Why can’t you cook for her? Why can’t you do things that ordinarily, in the typical African or gender sense, a woman is supposed to do? You feel like it makes you feel less of a man if you do all of these things, but it doesn’t.”
The former BBNaija man also said some women encourage toxic masculinity by fantasizing and embracing toxic relationships.
He said, “Toxic masculinity is still fueled by the opposite gender. You can be a toxic male who has grown up with a toxic father, who has learned all these traits, and you go out into the world with your toxicity and your hazardous materials and all that junk. And you meet women who, that is their fantasy, they can’t be with you if you are not toxic. They cannot stand you if you are not toxic because they are used to it. It’s what they use to measure how much you love or care about them.
“It turns them on. Or, you are a guy that meets toxic girls and automatically, you are wet. Some girls even say they can’t be with a man that doesn’t beat them. I have seen things on social media like, ‘The man doesn’t love you if he doesn’t beat you.’ How? Like, why?”